don't fear the daystar

I stayed put at my computer from when I finished my entry here at 1pm to now (4pm) finishing my scheduling and opening appts, all done. I sat on a heating pad to soothe my aching back and my neck has relaxed a little bit and my headache has decreased. I decided to skip a 3rd coffee and instead sprinkled matcha powder into my lunch, this feels like it was the right choice for my body, today.

Anything that happens here on out is bonus, I'd say.

Going to grab more snacks and see what else feels right to do, today. I love leisurely chore days, after getting all my work done, this is nice. So grateful.

Sunday, a free day in the house without the husband, a cherished rarity. We love each other so much and spend so much time together, it's good, but the peacefulness of being alone in the house is a special sacred feeling all its own.

I wanted to get so much done today - open up my March appointments, pay bills, send measurements to our friend who wants to help me install a rig point for silks in the house, try to make some progress setting up my entirely-neglected bedroom, bathroom, and office space, chip away at taxes, dust and wipe down surfaces, bake more cookies and maybe a pizza or two, finalize cat-sitting details, send some notes about air conditioning installation bids, try to get an air tag set up and attached to Avalanche's new collar, shower, dye my hair - but my headache is threatening to become a migraine, so I need to go slowly and pick and choose carefully what I want to accomplish, and primarily rest.

Work all day tomorrow, moving the studio back to my original room after, then Tuesday silks and packing for our trip.

Avi is asleep on my bed next to me. Velcro kitten. She looks soooo adorable in her collar and new name tag I got engraved for her yesterday. I got a purple heart as is my default, but in retrospect maybe pink would have suited her better (and matched the collar). It's okay, it's still cute.

Put away my light up snowman finally, nestled into a bin until next winter. It's almost warm today. What happened to "In Like A Lion?" 6 more weeks of winter my ass, Phil.

Tulip leaves poked out of the ground in the front flowerbed today.

There is one daffodil about to bloom in the front, and a dozen or so about a week behind it out back. Tulips are also coming in, and maybe some other mystery bulbs?

It's fun watching the yard decide what it's going to be.

Maybe I'll put the leaf birdbath from Hanne out today, if I have the energy for it.

There was a discarded light up deer on the side of the road like plastic roadkill in the cemetery when Josh and Cynthia and I were riding our bikes through, yesterday. I am tempted to go there and collect it and try to repair it. I want a light up deer, but I don't want to pay for it.

Josh and I were having a disagreement in the car on the way to ride bikes with Cynthia, and I broke the tension by acting goofy in the middle of it, and he was so not amused or impressed and also a bit confused, it was pretty funny. Welcome to the inside of my head. I love you no matter what.

He was anxious to buy me a special pair of shoes for our trip, that there was only one pair of, with his dividend from REI which was first available today, so we had to go to REI this morning right when it opened. (The mission was a success and I now have a fancy pair of approach shoes that fit perfectly at a steep discount - these are a halfway point between hiking and rock climbing shoes, which will be perfect for our hiking/climbing/scrambling adventures in Red Rock Canyon next week.) When we got to the parking lot, my headachey body didn't want to move. I picked up my coffee cup and asked if I should take it in or leave it in the car, and before Josh could answer I just started chugging it, and he broke into laughter at my desperation over my coffee consumption and my inability to leave without my coffee, and the panicked look on my face at the prospect of being separated from my coffee. I scolded him for laughing because it was making me laugh and I couldn't finish my coffee, and we ended up both laughing so hard we were in tears.

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spring is revealing what flowers we have at this new home, and this star magnolia is such a magical little surprise. I've never had one.



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Last night Cynthia invited us over for a delightful dinner, and because Josh's mom reminded him that today is Purim, I suggested hamentaschen. Josh and I stopped at the grocery store on the way home for prunes and poppyseeds and a few other items (and to collect on a free pint of ice cream offer), and when we got home he napped and I made strawberry, prune, and poppyseed fillings and a half portion of hamentaschen dough. I have learned over the years that if I use whole spelt flour, the dough will still work, but it helps to use honey instead of sugar as the sweetener for it. I used no sugar in the fruit fillings so the strawberry was especially tart, being as they are not in season, but there is a little sugar in the poppyseeds so that one was sweet enough for anyone to enjoy.

I brought the dough and fillings, a rolling pin, and extra flour for dusting, a jar for cutting rounds, and had Cynthia and anyone who wanted try their hand at folding the cookies - it's harder than it looks! We had so much fun playing with the cookies. A half portion was perfect, everyone was able to make one or two, and we all got to taste them, but didn't overdo it at all. I left them four cookies and took home two, and I have plenty of filling left for another couple batches. Hopefully I'll do at least one more round, today. We can also use the fillings for yogurt or oatmeal or on toast like jam, whatever we want :)



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Avalanche looks sooooo adorable in her collar and new name tag I got engraved for her yesterday, I am so glad she's tolerating the collar. It's still too loose and she scratches at it sometimes but she's adjusting well, she's so fluffy it gets pretty lost in her fur lol. Next step is to open my air tag and see if I can figure out how to use/charge it and get the holder onto her collar to see if she'll tolerate that.

The backyard is enclosed and she is not free-roaming, but in case she were to somehow escape, at least she'll have obvious ID (she is also chipped), and the airtag would be critical for finding her if she somehow ever got lost.

I have been locking her in at night, I worry about owls, but in general I think she's pretty safe out there. I bought a little canopy for the side yard to put above her cat door so she'll have a protected place on that side, I might try to put that up today, headache willing.



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Depression has its claws sunk deep and my morning wakeup time is pretty unbearable lately. I don't sleep well enough, and my vaginal pain returned with a vengeance last night, despite the fact that I've been consistent with my estrogen cream, ovules, and patch. I am on the lowest doses of all these things but with my breast health scare, I am afraid to increase anything. And with these headaches, I'm starting to contemplate backing off the progesterone, which would mean backing off of everything. I won't go on blockers like the doctors want, but maybe it's time to just accept the ravages of age and menopause on my 50-something yo body, and stop fighting the natural course of things. :( My body has never tolerated pharmaceuticals well, maybe this includes hormones after all.